


Award Season

by Anonymous



Category: K-pop, Red Velvet (K-pop Band), TWICE (Band)
Genre: Arson, Enemies to Lovers, Other, rated t because they kiss and say the f word, the f word is flop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 09:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28469103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Behind them, Wannabe was on fire and Apple was covered in glitter. In the distance, there was the sound of an explosion- probably Dynamite in the boys’ section. “Maybe all this wouldn’t have happened if our listeners had paid as much attention to us as they do to our recorders.”
Relationships: Bad Girl (woo!ah)/So Bad (STAYC), Fancy (TWICE)/Psycho (Red Velvet), Helicopter (CLC)/Oh My God ((G)I-DLE), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11
Collections: Anonymous





	Award Season

**Author's Note:**

> please do not take this fic seriously

It was 18:00 somewhere, and it was winter somewhere, so obviously it was award show season. All the candidates and some unfortunate spectators were crowded in a Tim Horton’s, inexplicably placed next to a Starbucks. Last year’s favorite, Fancy, stepped up to the microphone and coughed. (She hadn’t actually won anything, but it was the thought that counted.) “Will the candidates for fattest ass please come forward?” Looking at the list again, Fancy frowned. “Wait-”

“Look at you making a fool of yourself as usual,” Psycho said. They thought they should have been the winner and also that everyone loved them; neither of these things were true. “I knew I should have run the event.”

Fancy glared at Psycho. “Nobody wants someone born in _December_. Everyone knows that month is for flops.” Panorama shifted uncomfortably in the corner. She had never been called the f word before.

“Enemies to lovers slow burn angst with a happy ending 400k,” Crush (2016) and Crush (2018) said at the same time. They glanced at each other for a moment, sizing their rival up. Both realized relatively quickly that they were both excellent songs and also that they were long past their expiration date and would get put in the song compost if they did not leave, so they ran.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Fancy said, “I don’t make the awards. We please our listeners and their questionable taste in humor. Will the nominees please step forwards.” There was a pause. Lalalilala stepped forwards, poking at his watch. “Will the nominees please step forwards,” Fancy repeated, “before you’re disqualified.”

La Di Da didn’t have time for the players or the haters, and Fancy was both, despite being their aunt. (Nobody spoke of the 2019 Adios - Likey affair. It tended to cause fights.) She stepped forwards. “My life is waiting for you,” Mago sang to the audience, who was sick of aer tendency to talk in lyrics, hoping it would lure the final candidate out. When nothing happened, ae realized ae were the final candidate with a sigh of “Yes, you” and stepped towards La Di Da.

“The award goes to,” Fancy began, then stopped. “I’m afraid that for legal purposes I cannot reveal the winner. It would be terrible to be responsible for two fanwars in the course of my lifetime.”

Lalalilala sighed. He hadn’t expected anything else. La Di Da decided that Fancy now also qualified as a bad guy. “My heart is beating for you,” Mago hummed.

“The next award is…” Fancy checked their notes. “Should have stayed in the drafts.”

Dessert did not move from its position in the corner, despite many glances in its direction. It was too sexy to listen to people with functional ears. So What stepped forwards, and then back, unsure whether they could really qualify as noise. Many eyes turned to More and More, who was carefully avoiding the gaze of his older sister. “You’re an embarrassment to the family,” I Can’t Stop Me whispered. He turned red.

Of course, this award could not be given out, either; whoever had organized this seemed to have common sense and wanted to stop anyone from being pushed into the piranha coffee again. More importantly, nobody wanted to admit that they’d been nominated.

“Where’s Song of the Year?” Bouncy asked. 

Nonstop patted her on the head patronizingly. “The boys ran off with it again. Someday… I will have it back.”

“You’re Bon Voyage’s aunt, right?” Oh My God said, smirking. “I doubt you’ll see that anytime soon.”

Helicopter laughed. “Have you heard your family? Sit down.”

“At least we’re not _flops_ ,” Oh My God snapped. 

Helicopter continued laughing despite the great insult she had just delivered to their bloodline. “You didn’t even _deny_ it, oh my god.” It’s unclear if this was intended as a name or a phrase. “Your sister was single-handedly responsible for the Great Eardrum Collapse of Spring ‘19.”

Oh My God, unlike their family as a whole, seemed to be out of comebacks. “You want to kiss me so bad.”

“Okay,” Helicopter agreed, and they began to kiss.

Despite Fancy’s best efforts, fights were breaking out. “Who wants a banana?” Psycho said, holding up one they’d stolen from their grandmother once removed. The crowd murmured in excitement. “There’s only one,” Psycho added, throwing it into the horde. “Enjoy.”

The crowd went wild. Bazooka looked like moon was on the edge of explosion. Fiesta looked delighted. Crossroads sat down in the middle of the dance floor and began to cry.

Over in the bside section, Children sipped unenthusiastically at a drink, ignoring the noise. Nobody had mentioned their name all night. “Family’s first time with the adults?” In the Frozen said, sympathetic, and Children nodded. “It gets worse, don’t worry,” she continued. “They never grow ears.”

“What’s going on with the kids, anyway?” No Big Deal said, cupping their ear. “I hear something-”

“Smells like _teen crush_ ,” Sweet Dreams muttered. “They’ll never be part of my family.”

Behind the Mask shook her head, solemn. “No, that’s the distinct sound of _noise._ ”

“I bet it tastes like retro,” Mulgogi said wistfully. “All glittery.”

Sequence squinted out the window. “I can see… snakes.”

“Snakes?” Children said, dubious.

“Yes,” Sequence agreed. In the rookies’ room, a large snake was indeed locked in a fierce battle with Tag Me (@Me). Black Mamba had taken its existence a bit too literally. In the corner, So Bad and Bad Girl were making out. Children felt vaguely glad that they were out of there.

-

Amidst the chaos, Psycho turned to Fancy. “Aren’t you tired of being nice?” they said. “Don’t you ever just want to go apeshit?”

Fancy considered for a moment. “Yes,” she decided, and took Psycho’s hand. The two songs, neither of which deserved or won the precious Song of the Year, smiled at each other and walked away from the party to be in love and also to go apeshit. Behind them, Wannabe was on fire and Apple was covered in glitter. In the distance, there was the sound of an explosion- probably Dynamite in the boys’ section. “Maybe all this wouldn’t have happened if our listeners had paid as much attention to us as they do to our recorders.”

Psycho wrinkled their nose. “No, they’d probably think I’m dating Kill This Love or something, and she’s _good_ at Monopoly. Unlike you.”

Fancy decided to take this as a compliment, even though it wasn’t. She remembered her award season a year ago and said, reflective, “You know, this isn’t too bad. All things considering.”

“Could be worse,” Psycho agreed. Back at the party, Hmph! had just driven a knife into Stay Tonight’s gut, and Boca had been struck by lightning somehow. “Really, this is the most fun I’ve had all decade.”

**Author's Note:**

> stop shipping real people and start streaming children by bvndit, conveniently located [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA9N4bqss3o)


End file.
